Tara Thompson - Random Topic #1

This question started creeping its way into my mind a long time ago, but has recently blown up and consumed my thoughts. Usually the term what if has somewhat of a negative connotation. It has a way of creating scenarios in ones mind, scenarios that take over lives. Many times people ponder the what ifs of their love life, their future career, other dreams they may have, or possibly thoughts of betrayal, heartache, or temptation. When those what ifs start consuming you it is never a good thing, and it is so important to do what you can to avoid them. However, I have a what if that isn't so bad after all. In fact, I think that it could make a huge (and really good) impact in my life, in my relationships, and my walk with the Lord. My lingering what if questions have been something like this: What if I gave Him everything I had? What if I stopped being afraid? What if I let go of this constant need for control? What if I listened? What if I wasn't so hesitant? What if I allowed the Spirit to take over my life completely? You see, I've been in this relationship with Jesus for a while now. I'd say it has been official for about 5 years. I've had some extreme highs, and some lowly lows. I've experienced the Lord's incredible grace, His overwhelming peace, a consuming joy, and a greater love than I could have ever imagined. He has yet to disappoint me. In fact, he has done the opposite - he leaves me speechless in all the right ways. Yet, despite all of that, I still have such trouble trusting Him. I'm not sure why though, and the more I think about it, the more it doesn't make ANY sense at all. When I really look back, I can see the times God was calling me and how I deliberately ran from it. Why? Why would I ignore something that is so obviously of God?
Last week I was talking to my roommates (who are basically the greatest people I know) and Jamie was telling us these crazy stories she had heard over the weekend. She told us this one about a woman who has a faith that I've never seen before. She is intent on listening to the Spirit wherever she is, and she is intent on following its lead. One day she got into her car and simply asked, "which way God? Left? Right? Straight?" and as she was driving around she felt this overwhelming call to stop at this random house. As she sat in her car, she thought about how weird this was: what was she suppose to say? Just go up to the door and say, "oh hey...uhhh...I think God wanted me to come to your door." However, despite the nervousness she had, it did not stop her. She walked up and knocked on the door. A man came to the door, and it looked like he had been upset about something. She told him the truth, that she had been driving around, and she felt this overwhelming feeling that she needed to stop at this door and tell him about Jesus. The man began to sob. When he finally spoke, he told her that moments ago he had a gun to his head, asking God to show Himself to him if he wanted him to live.
How crazy is that? I still have goosebumps when I think about that. Since then, I've heard so many other similar stories. So I have to continue to ask myself, what if? If I let go of my insecurities, doubts, fears, pride, and selfishness what would God show me? What would he let me take part in? I can't imagine the things I would experience. It is scary though because I know that it won't always be easy. However, I also know that I believe in a good God, and that whether the path He takes me on is easy or not, it will be incredible.